CEO Dialogue is a compassionate communication framework for groups and individuals who want to become more resilient while creating a culture of inspiring, nourishing, and replenishing interactions. The brain operates 31% better when we feel good about ourselves and that is why it is important to have conflict navigation processes, restorative justice circles, business meetings, and one on one interactions that feel supportive and replenishing, without feeling draining.
Participants find this practice:
- improves their ability to read and support others
- builds emotional intelligence
- develops a toolset for consent and boundary setting
- leads to nondual, whole brain, unitive consciousness
The structure is designed to provide meditation level regeneration through the medium of social interaction. It is a core belief that all growth can be replenishing and can come from within our own empowerment.
For more information, here is a link to the free digital copy of CEO Dialogue: The Book.
C stands for Centeredness, which for the purposes of CEO, we’re describing as a spectrum of feelings that starts with calmness and can deepen with relaxation. The experience of the centeredness spectrum tends to move like this:
Calm – To become calm, Dan Siegel has pointed out that it may be as simple as taking a single longer breath. This act of taking a longer breath creates a bridge from the prefrontal cortex of the human brain to the limbic system of our mammalian brain. As this bridge connects, the parasympathetic nervous system is engaged and our endocrine system can begin metabolizing those stress hormones, called cortisol, that were helping us disassociate from stress. This feeling of calm begins the journey along the relaxation spectrum of centeredness emotions.
Exploring – Once you’re feeling sufficiently calm, if the environment is a supportive environment, you’ll find yourself moving to a feeling of exploration. This is your experiential body exploring the surroundings.
Embodied – If you’re in a calm space of exploration for a bit, the natural next step of your parasympathetic (stress-metabolizing) system is to return you to a place of embodiment, where you can start picking up on signals from your body again. Perhaps your stomach might tell you that you’re feeling hunger, or perhaps an emotion, like sadness, or a desire for connection. It is important to note that feeling information coming from the body can reveal any emotion, even anger or frustration. When this happens, it’s possible to leave calm again, as you assess if this is really a good time and place to be feeling the emotions that are coming up. Sometimes it’s better to set these embodied emotions to the side until you’re really in a good place to begin feeling and healing. Fortunately, the information that is stored in our body will be there when we’re ready.
Deep Peace – When we’re able to feel our calm, exploring, embodied self for a sufficient amount of time, a state of deep peace will naturally arise. This is a luxurious space of relaxed centeredness. It can happen in the presence of others who we feel deeply supported by, or in a natural space of self-care.
Gnosis – As we relax further, surrendering any tension from our body and allowing good posture to hold us upright, we can begin to feel a deep present moment knowing of our unique path in life. It might only be glimpses of what we might want in the present moment, or what we want to achieve in the near future. We might even get a glimpse of something we want to achieve in our lifetime but without any instructions of how to get there. The magical aspect of this state is that we can subtly feel this knowledge sourced from inside of our self. In the Celtic traditions this intuitive knowing is referred to as gnosis. The sensations feel like subtle fields of energy, often depicted as toroidal fields, as seen in the following image:
Centeredness – We will refer to the deepest state of relaxation and surrender as full centeredness. This is an experience where we have optimal parasympathetic engagement and can often feel the emotions of others near us. This is similar to how mammals can deepen their relaxation by being near each other when the pack is relaxed. Or they can suddenly become stressed when one of the other mammals experiences stress. Out-of-body experiences can occur from this place as well, in addition to psychic phenomenon, deep knowing of other’s experiences, and feelings of oneness. We are able to experience such seemingly magical phenomenon because our whole brain is in a state of coherence when we engage our centeredness spectrum. In neurobiology terms, this inter-personal experience that arises from whole-brain coherence is often referred to as attunement. As we gain calmness, the front part of our brain is building a bridge inward, allowing our middle brain to stabilize and begin opening pathways to our rear/occipital regions, where the more holistic thinking can take place. This is also creating a connection between the left and right hemispheres of our brain. As we move from the front to the back of the right side of our brain, we can not only feel the stimulus happening in our head (oxygen/electricity/electromagnetic fields/etc.) but we can also feel our somatic experience growing more expansive and detailed as we move along the spectrum of centeredness:
As we move along the centeredess spectrum in this way, we are able to speak in conversation from the parts of us that are most expansive and connected. This allows us to explore more fully the easy topics in conversation and also to begin observing the more difficult topics from a space of integrated perspective. In this way, we can learn to express our uniqueness, which in turn is our unique gift to give the world.
The Left and Right Brain
By bringing conversation into centeredness practice, we are now beginning to engage the verbal cognitive aspects of our left brain in connection with the right brain. It is important to first understand the differences between the left brain and right brain as they pertain to conversation. Certainly the right brain controls the left side of our body while the left side of our brain controls the right side of our body. However, did you know there has been an additional asymmetry in functions that has existed in our brains dating back to invertebrates that existed around 200 million years ago? Because of this, in the present day, the left and right side of our brains have grown to become quite specialized. The left side of our brain is able to use the concepts of space and time to differentiate the world around us and the experiences that happen to us. The left side of our brain can then ask questions to the right side of our brain to retrieve more data, so that we can analyze our circumstances, and then send a new more complete model of understanding back to the right side of our brain, to be integrated into a neural representation of new understanding. UCLA Professor and Neurobiologist Dan Siegel has a very simple way of explaining the difference, by referring to the Left Brain’s functions as generally falling within the 4 Ls: language, linear, logic, and literal. While the right brain is able to relate with objects and experiences, the left brain is able to label these very same objects and experiences and become very analytical about them, storing them as discrete concepts we refer to as language. This is our first L: language. After language, the left hemisphere of our brain is able to create lists in a linear manner. We are able to discuss even this list of the 4 Ls right now thanks to this ability of our left brain. This list-making, of before and after, is the second L: linear. The third L is logic, which allows us to use the concept of time and the idea of separation as tools to analyze the cause and effect relation between objects and experiences. Newton discovered the law of gravity for himself when observing an apple falling must have been the effect of another cause, which he sought out to discover. The fourth L is literal. This is the left brain’s ability to take things quite literally. When we are not feeling very centered, we can lose our ability to understand context, as that is a right-brain function. In this case, we may be out of balance in using our left-brain to try and make literal sense of the world around us. On the other hand, when our hemispheres are in-balance, it can be very enjoyable to discuss the nuances of literal uses of language and concepts, to add more depth and texture to the metaphorical, imaginative, and creative aspects of our right-brain. Here is a look at these aspects of our left and right brain. Notice how both hemispheres are for the most part separated, aside from the corpus callosum between the two that connects them and transfers information between them:
With use of the 4 Ls, we can strengthen our ability to discern what support looks like within conversation, to supplement our right-brain’s ability to discern what support feels like. This enables us to consciously build on a system of skills for understanding and creating supportive containers in conversation, helping others to see the option of relaxing and relating from their centeredness, or disassociating and protecting their centeredness. Both of these skills are highly valuable and when used thoughtfully can work to extend the amount of time we are able to be centered throughout our daily life, as well returning to centeredness more quickly once we’ve lost it. As we strengthen this ability, we are also replacing old habits that many no longer be serving us, with new habits that help us to have more of the whole brain types of social interaction that we would like to be having. This is especially important when interacting within society, as the difficulty level can tend to pick up when we leave the comforts of our warm and cozy home. As we gain strength and empowerment in using the tools of protection and discernment, a new spectrum of experiences emerges, as we reclaim the healthy use of the left side of our brain in connection with our whole being. This new spectrum of left brain empowerment is the exhilarated spectrum.
E stands for Exhilarated. The Exhilarated spectrum picks up once the Centeredness spectrum has been engaged (starting with calm). This exhilarated spectrum maps to our feelings of empowerment in our ability to bring the centeredness spectrum into social interactions as the difficulty level begins increasing. Keep in mind you can still feel exhilarated in easy conversations. The difference here is that the level of exhilaration felt tends to relate to how protected and empowered you’re feeling about those yummy feelings of centeredness continuing. Sometimes there are conversations that are delightfully centered but could easily take a turn for the worst at any moment. These are the “walking on eggshells” conversations that are delightful for the moment, but can tend to feel a little less exhilarated, because you just don’t know what could happen at any moment. The exhilaration that CEO Dialogue is bringing forward actually matches that same level of exhilaration you might feel in a deeply moving experience of non-verbal movement, similar to dance or going on a good hike. Except that CEO Dialogue is bringing this exhilaration into a conversational space with intention and awareness around this by using the spectrum as a tool to gauge where the conversation might be at. A fun way to think about this is to imagine you’re in a dance class or a yoga class. Here you are not needing to speak at all. The instructor might help guide you through corrections from time to time but for the most part you are not engaging in the 4 Ls to impart meanings beyond what the body is communicating. Now imagine a much more difficult situation, perhaps where you are in the middle of mediating a conflict navigation, and both parties want to repair with each other but they’re having difficulty expressing from the part of themselves that wants connection because they are just so darn angry. Or even more difficult might be when there is no mediator and someone is expressing deep frustration at you for a mistake you may have made. A skilled CEO Dialogue practitioner can source from their centeredness to bring connection and repair to even some of the most difficult conversations. The experience of the exhilarated spectrum tends to move like this:
Curiosity – When we feel centered, there is a certain amount of vulnerability present, because we are opened up to feeling so much more in a centered state. If we are not feeling the experience of curiosity, it typically means there is a good reason. Perhaps we are being defensive so that we do not get hurt, by disconnecting from deep relating with the world or the people around us. The first movement onto the exhilarated spectrum is curiosity. If we are feeling centered and curious at the same time, it typically means we’re feeling empowered to deal with the types of adversity or difficult situations that could arise in that moment. When a subtle sense of exhilaration accompanies the curiosity for another’s experience, this is the first movement on the exhilarated spectrum to let us know that we are feeling empowered in this space to bring our centeredness forward in relation with others.
Carefree Alertness – As we learn the tools in this book, we can begin to notice a carefree alertness emerge in difficult conversations, because we feel empowered to navigate the conversation in a way that maintains connection from centeredness. As we begin to lose our carefree alertness, this can be a sign that we are feeling the edge of our empowerment and moving into territory where we are unfamiliar. This can be a great time to ask for support to go slowly in the conversation, in order to keep the carefree nature of the alertness and the curiosity, on top of all that centeredness.
Mindful Observer – The ability to observe our thoughts, habits, and patterns, while they’re happening, is commonly referred to as mindfulness. In neurobiology, this state is understand as “dorsal awareness” and Dan Siegel has a lot of great information out there about how mindfulness can be cultivated within the left side of our brain by using the 4 Ls. When you group mindfulness with carefree alertness, curiosity, and the right-brain spectrum of centeredness, you’re now bringing the deep connections within you, to a place of observation and on-the-fly analysis, as you are connecting from that place with others in the world around you. When this place is arrived at with feelings of empowerment to hold the container if things get difficult, there is a palpable sense of exhilaration not only in yourself, but can be felt by others.
Grateful Pride – As you become increasingly able to connect from the mindful observer area of the exhilarated spectrum, a sense of gratitude emerges in relation to just being you. The exhilaration here is even more vibrant and arises from the repeated experiences of navigating difficult conversations in more varied situations while feeling increasingly empowered to bring centeredness forward and to allow others to experience the options of that same empowerment as well.
Inspired Choices – There is a great sense of exhilaration that tends to stick around once your choices are being made from a place of inspiration. This is deeply exhilarating and happens when you’re already feeling gratitude, mindfulness, carefree alertness, curiosity, and empowerment to continue connection from the centeredness spectrum, even if topics get difficult.
Exhilarated – We will refer to the most expansive and freeing state of empowerment on the exhilaration spectrum as Fully Exhilarated. This is an experience where we are feeling equipoise from simply knowing we are fully empowered in the moment to not lose our connection to deep centeredness, regardless of what circumstances might arise. In psychology, the term “approach state” is used to describe what happens when mindfulness is brought forward to the front-left part of the brain, in the prefrontal cortex, which is the center for decisiveness. In this state, you are able to reframe language on the fly for others, in difficult situations, to reflect the true deep intent of connecting that might have been missed or miscommunicated. This is a level of leadership in communication that is highly empowering to the self and to others, so in many ways it is a type of transparent leadership that can almost seem like it is happening from the background. By taking a look at the Gottman’s research, we can see their studies suggest that when a good feeling is happening 85% of the time, if feels like all the time. Likewise, if a negative feeling happens 15% of the time, it can feel like all the time. Even if it’s just a 3 hour talk with your best friend, discussing your favorite topics, you might have felt like you were deeply centered and exhilarated 100% of the time, which of course couldn’t be precisely true, but that helps to convey the sense of a fully exhilarated experience. Eventually, through the practice of CEO Dialogue, we’ve found it possible to interact from this fully centered and exhilarated state for most of the day. There still seems to be a good 10 minutes of total time throughout the day when even the best of us can fall out of that full connection, but that’s part of the learning process. In the end, staying fully centered and exhilarated 99% of the time is still an awesome milestone to celebrate!
Here is a look at the brain map when Centered and Exhilarated are both present:
Notice how curiosity and calm stabilize the middle brain (parietal ridge) over the corpus callosum, from ear to ear, allowing the approach state of the exhilarated front brain to build coherence with the holistic processing of the centered occipital (rear) brain. This whole brain coherence becomes a gyroscope of stability for the experience of CEO.
The rest of this book will offer techniques to create a centered and exhilarated container for all CEO Dialogue skill levels, even beginners, by modulating the difficulty level of the topics. This way, even early practitioners can experience what fully centered and exhilarated feels like, by knowing that the container has empowered them to keep the topics easy and fun for the time being. As time goes on and more techniques are introduced, the difficulty of the topic can be modulated to increase feelings of empowerment as empathy muscles are strengthened. But before we get ahead of ourselves, it’s important to first give you an idea of what fully exhilarated actually looks like. Here are two important examples I want to share with you to really bring it home.
The first example is of a beautiful human with long black dreadlocks standing waist deep in the ocean waves, gently watching over their infant baby, who is joyfully paddling and swimming about without a care in the world. As a wave comes crashing in, sure to tumble the baby about, the adult fluidly lifts the baby up into their arms and gently sets the baby back down on the water just as the wave passes. This experience of joy during absolute protection that the baby is experiencing is on the same spectrum of feelings of exhilaration that can arise in conversation, when the left brain’s 4Ls have the tools and savvy to protect the right brain’s centeredness. By organizing elements in a coherent manner, as the intellect dances with our internal world of centeredness, the feeling of inspiration becomes palpable.
On the other hand, when others are disempowering in conversation and a power dynamic is present, the exhilarated spectrum slowly goes into hiding. This is why CEO focuses on the strengthening of discernment, so that centeredness can be increasingly protected for the self and others, even as the amount of power dynamics begins increasing. When a topic is becoming too stressful and we are noticing the centeredness slipping away in conversation, by using the TLLR Tool (table it, label it, list it, revisit it), it can become second nature to discern whether there is an option to defer the difficult topic to a later time when it might be easier to discuss, or when both parties are more fully resourced. Even this simple action of noticing and voicing options around maintaining centeredness begins to build trust, which begins to feel like the unquestionable level of protection that leads to feelings of exhilaration.
In the above example, the adult has an innate awareness of the level of the waves and an instinctive alertness for any subtle shifts. In conversation too, we as humans can develop an instinctive alertness for subtle shifts in the flow interaction. And we can help make shifts before they arise!
Let’s go into one last example of exhilaration, to really ground the feeling of the concept. Imagine a situation, say when you are delighted to be with a best friend or favorite family member. It can be quite natural to feel both centered and exhilarated at the same time during conversation with this person. Here, it is our centeredness that arises from feeling supported in who we are, in our unique expression of ourselves and our personal desires. Now, with this person we have in mind, we can relax, deeper and deeper with each other, can’t we? At the same time, we can still feel quite exhilarated. What we may not realize, is that an unconscious part of us has built up trust that the centeredness and exhilaration in the container is protected.
As we work through difficult situations or topics together without losing the centered and exhilarated feelings, we add to the trust bank account, feeling even more exhilarated and centered. We feel lucky to have these people in our lives, where the centered and exhilarated feelings are just expected. It is as if there is an unconscious tacit agreement around a sacred space of a whole brain experience. There is trust that the conversation will somehow be mutually supportive of centeredness and exhilaration. Now imagine being able to choose this, consciously, with the people you work with, or even the people you meet at a bus stop. With the tools of CEO Dialogue, we can learn to notice when centeredness is feeling exhilarating, and to not only support the centeredness, but to also support the feelings of exhilaration. When both C and E are supported actively, something very new occurs: the O. This is the most exciting ingredient to CEO Dialogue!
O is a circular symbol used to convey the expansive feeling of coherence and connection that arises in a centered and exhilarated conversation. This field of coherence arises when both Centered and Exhilarated spectrums are present and trusted to be actively supported. For this reason, we like to refer to the O as the “CEO”, because the O emerges when both centered and exhilarated are present. As you can see, the collaboration of the left brain and right brain in their full centered and exhilarated states are essential to this experience of coherence and Dan Siegel goes into great depth about this in The Neurobiology of “we”, even creating the following acronym for the feeling of coherence, to help individuals hopefully return to this state more often:
C – Connection
O – Openness
H – Harmony
E – Engagement
R – Receptivity
E – Emergence (new and unexpected arisings; freshness)
N – Noesis (deep present moment knowing of one’s unique path forward; knowingness)
C – Compassion
E – Empathy
Dan Siegel also explores this acronym in The Mindful Brain, where he further discusses the qualities of attunement that arise from coherence. This attunement can happen between people (interpersonal) as well as within our self (intrapersonal) as our various inner parts have their own kind of dialogue about how we feel about any given topic or situation. When our brain is in coherence, this attunement can greatly amplify our emotional and cognitive intelligence, as well as our productivity. Perhaps the best part of it all is that all this added productivity is attuned to our unique path. If you think of karma as all the things we have left to learn and experience across many lifetimes, in order to reach our destiny, you can think of the attunement from coherence as the karma superhighway. Of course, sometimes the scenic route is more fun to take. In the state of CEO, feeling the attunement of a fully centered and exhilarated whole brain coherence, we can freely choose the superhighway or the scenic route, however our heart desires.
The History of Religion and Coherence as a Symbol
It is important to recognize that this field of coherence is not new and has been experienced by humans since the days of prehistory. Even the circular symbol has been used to represent the divine light of the sun as it illuminates our path, in cultures all around the world, with findings as early as 12,000 BC in Ukraine. The original form was seen on rocks and paintings as the swastika and made it across the world in Mayan, Mexican, Chinese, and Indian ancient cultures. The Celtic traditions used this symbol for gnosis, which translates to knowingness. In ancient greece, the symbol was used for Sophia, which translates to the experience of wisdom that is also the source of all consciousness. According to Derek Bryce, “once the Celtic Christians realised that this ancient symbol of the wheel-cross was not incompatible with their religion, they began also to use its more ancient form, the swastika, which is believed to be the symbol of the wheel from the time before the wheel had been invented for locomotion, the bent-over arms of this cross implying rotation around a central point.” There are stories of the origin of this symbol being the swinging of a rock on a string, to create a circle. This metaphor was used to illustrate that work needs to be done in order to be on a spiritual path, to move to the center of your divinity, otherwise we will fall to the outside. According to E. V. Havell, symbolized not only divinity but also the union of the male and female principles, the dynamic and static, mobility and immobility, harmony and balance. Carl Jung would also refer to the dynamic and static principles of the masculine and feminine when describing how to achieve a state of balance in coherence, which he referred to as the anima. According to Jungian psychology, individuation is the process of transforming one’s psyche by bringing the personal and collective unconscious into conscious.
“Individuation is essentially a spiritual journey. Only the man who can consciously assent to the power of the inner voice becomes a personality.(…) If the unconscious can be recognized as a co-determining factor along with consciousness, and if we can live in such a way that conscious and unconscious demands are taken into account as far as possible, then the centre of gravity of the total personality shifts its position. It is then no longer in the ego, which is merely the centre of consciousness, but in the hypothetical point between conscious and unconscious. The new centre might be called the self. [Carl Jung, CW 13, par. 67]”
In ancient Greece, Pythagoras’ philosophy of Cynicism in 600 BC was to live in harmony with nature, having achieved happiness through mastering one’s mental attitude. Stoicism carried this philosophy forward from 300 BC onward by espousing the importance of having a will which is in agreement with nature. This can be achieved by practicing the four cardinal virtues: known as Sophia (wisdom), Andreia (courage), Dikaiosyne (right action), and Sophrosyne (temperance). In terms of CEO Dialogue, the concept of temperance in Cynicism most closely relates to the faculties made available within the coherence from the exhilarated spectrum. These ways of life would merge with the Celtic ways of connecting with nature, into Gnosticism, a religion which flourished across Europe from 100 – 400 AD, just prior to the Christian Bible being compiled. In Gnosticism, Sophia was worshipped as God and she was thought to be the awareness from which consciousness was created, by a lesser god (Demiurge) that were sourced from her. Gnosis (knowingness) was seen as the only way of connecting through consciousness, back to Sophia, through the body.
As Gnostic scholars became aware of Buddhism the ideas and terms began to cross-pollinate. Contemporary versions of Gnosticism will include Buddhist concepts as well as the Pistis Sophia and other classical gnostic texts discovered from Egypt within the Nag Hammadi (with various texts being written between 100 BC and 400 AD; interestingly it was Carl Jung who was the first to obtain manuscripts from these codixes, for the purpose of translation). In the 1970s, Buddhism was combined further into Samael Gnosticism, where scholar Samael Aun Weor cited the Path of the Bodhisattva in describing humility as the path to gnosis. From present day neuroscience findings as well as subjective experience, it would seem that humility is indeed the outcome of achieving a whole-brain coherent state of CEO. By experiencing CEO as the path to coherence, we get the added positives of feeling self-confident and empowered in difficult situations in order to access advanced levels of self-support and supporting others, while feeling humility at the same time. It’s a win-win!
Cultivating CEO
We recognize it might be confusing that the toolset is referred to as CEO Dialogue and the state of being we’re cultivating is referred to as CEO. For this reason, the O may be referred to by many names. The important meaning, after all, is the experience and not the word. Sometimes we may refer to the O as the Orbit, especially in the initial exercises (Orbit 1) presented in this book. This is because it really does feel like a conversation group can be orbiting around the shared centered and exhilarated feelings, being lit up and warmed almost like a sun is shining in the middle. In Zen Buddhism, the symbol of the circle is known as the Enso and has grown to become the universal symbol of mindfulness and oneness. This experience of increased connection and coherence is quite difficult to put into words. In the Tao Te Ching it is said “the Tao that is spoken is not the Tao”. We like to have fun with this statement by calling the O many different names. We might call it the Ensorbit by mashing together the words Enso and Orbit. In the case of the 30 Day Challenge (Orbit 5), CEO might stand for Centered and Exhilarated Only and you’ll understand why when you get to that chapter. We might even refer to CEO as Cute and Eager Only. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what we call it, because the practice of CEO leads to a shared vicinity of experience that is beyond words and speaks for itself. This experience is easily repeatable and this book is full of delightful tools we can use to bring this experience into all aspects of our social lives.
This practice even follows us into our alone time when we’re not being social, helping us to feel centered and exhilarated as much as we desire. This is a whole brain state of consciously empowered connection that persists like a gyroscope once it gets going. Dan Siegel suggests that a coherent mind is more likely to remain in coherence during difficult situations because that is the natural outcome of an integrated mind. It would not be until the brain begins to disassociate that we would begin losing coherence, once we are in the CEO state. When we have the increased empowerment and toolsets to work with from a coherent mind, it is less likely we will find value in disassociating back into a sympathetic fight/flight state. This experience feels less like that differentiated Centered and Exhilarated spectrums depicted in the previous pictures and moreso like a large gyroscopic field of coherence emanating from the core of our beings, similar to the following diagram.
Regenerative Self Healing
The CEO logo depicts the experience of the O widening, in interpersonal attunement. The exhilarated E spectrum is in the middle, arising to monitor and protect the Centeredness spectrum, in case the difficulty levels in life start to increase. The more deeply we move along the C and E spectrums, the more interconnected the coherence becomes across the many parts of ourselves, helping the feelings of C and E to become even larger. As the C and E grow larger, the O gets pushed out to be even more expansive. As the attunement of the O feels even more wonderful, our C and E then grow larger in turn. This is how they all feed back into each other. And it all sets into motion once that initial coherence is established in a way where our centeredness feels protected. The more time we spend in this CEO state, the more healing we are able to receive. This too helps the C, E, and O grow bigger.
Regenerative Communities
Then, when others are also present in experiencing CEO, the field grows even bigger, similar to how mammals can unconsciously feel each other, becoming alert when each other become alert, or becoming more relaxed as the group relaxes. There are tests where brain scans show correlated brainwave peaks and troughs in participants that are sitting in neighboring rooms from each other, as one participant is given varying sorts of stimulus. In this same way, the more relaxed and exhilarating the conversation becomes, the more the orbit of the O widens. This supportive environment also improves our ability to stay in coherence. Cultivating a supportive environment at the community level is one of the great rewards of practicing CEO Dialogue. There are also analytical and emotional intelligence boosts gained from experiencing CEO. To get a preview of what we’re talking about, just think of any of those times when you were trying to resolve a difficult situation and you weren’t feeling centered and exhilarated. When there are problems to solve, it can be easy to juggle two variables in our heads, even when feeling stressed or defensive. An example might be figuring out how to run a couple errands with enough time to still make it to an important meeting. But when we want to add in additional variables, such as needing to pick up the kids but not knowing what to do with them during the meeting, we might start feeling less-resourced, or as one of my friend’s likes to call it: “not having enough spoons”. Talking out loud, reaching out to a friend, or reaching for a pencil and paper can help us to think through some of the more complicated puzzles, by helping our centeredness to feel protected. Here, we begin to naturally access our own coherence. When we’re coming from a place of feeling fully centered and exhilarated, it is possible to juggle many more variables. From this place, a creative answer might come easily and swiftly. It might seem totally fine to suddenly reschedule the meeting, to ask if you can bring the kids to the meeting, or to ask a friend to watch the kids at a nearby restaurant. The trick is getting to a centered and exhilarated state more often, staying there longer, and quickly returning there. Life feels quite magical when the CEO is present, when the coherence of all sorts of feelings are mapping to labels of systems and thoughts that are easily being juggled. I’m so excited to share these tools with you. You’ve made it through the mind-bending difficulty of understanding all sorts of new concepts. Now that you’ve got the hard work out of the way, the next sections will be packed with fun and easy to learn exercises and tools! Are you ready to take the next step into this magical new world? Are you as excited as I am? Well buckle your seatbelt because here we go!
Quick Recap: How it all Fits Together
Before we move on to practicing CEO Dialogue, let’s do a quick recap of what we’ve learned. The 4-Step TLLR Tool mentioned in Part I is a great way to build in opportunities for supporting each other in a relationship. By adding in CEO practice, we begin maintaining a quality of support that is both centering and exhilarating.
The Six Benefits of CEO
- Optimal Growth – CEO creates a strong foundation for optimal growth by bringing the monitoring, analysis, and decision making aspects of our brain into coherence with our centeredness.
- Empowering Growth – When we feel supported from a centered and exhilarated place, we tend to communicate from the place inside that feels inspired to try new ideas that we’ve been nurturing. We tend to find unique and authentic ways for overcoming our obstacles. This level of empowerment helps us to continue to explore, experiment, and build an understanding of the world in a way that feels like thriving.
- Supports Interdependency – When giving advice do we first see if the advice seeker might already have access to their own ideas for problem solving? Far too often we skip this important step, which is why CEO Dialogue builds this step into the process. We are first checking to see if the person is already feeling centered and exhilarated and we are holding that space for them. Building empowerment in this way helps community to reach out more often when they need support and to grow more acquainted with their source of inner genius each time they do reach out. After a couple interactions, people who used to rely on power dynamics for the answers to their problems might start coming to you to run their own ideas past you. Pretty soon they won’t be needing advice at all! Over the long run, this minimizes attachment based relationships and any unwanted codependency.
- Stress Minimizing – When both conversation partners are supporting each other to feel centered and exhilarated, the risk of recoil from overly stressful interactions is minimized.
- It’s fun! For those of us who like to learn in a way that feels playful and replenishing, this is it!
Easy and Useful Self-Realization – Once the brain finds out that it’s safe to drop the defenses of the ego, it does. When you find yourself to be in CEO 85% of the time, you’ll quickly jump to living from CEO 99% of the time. It’s as if there is a gravity to this state of inner health that pulls us to release the identification with the ego, faster and faster the closer we get. When 99% of our waking life is spent in CEO, the brain begins releasing all the unnecessary deep underlying defenses that had us identifying with our ego. We begin simply, joyfully, and naturally moving along the ego development spectrum to live from nondual unitive consciousness.
And if you’re hungry for more info, here is the free digital copy of CEO Dialogue: The Book. Free audio book coming soon!